I know I am a craft/home decor blogger, and I'm totally okay with that. I love it actually. But sometimes I feel the need to write something about life. Something about my life.
For several years, my focus in life has been trying to have a baby. (You can read more about my journey {HERE}.) I have wanted to be a mother since I was a child. If you've followed my blog for a while, you know that my husband and I have done pretty much everything medically possible to make that happen. For about four years, my life has revolved around visits to the doctor, shots, pills, and procedures. (Of course, that's not counting the years we tried to get pregnant before going to the doctor.) And, though I couldn't admit it at the time, that's what my life became. Sure, I worked and crafted and socialized, but I'm beginning to think that I wasn't truly LIVING.
After my multiple failed fertility treatments, I have finally accepted the fact that I will probably never have biological children. I can't say that realization hasn't been heartbreaking and very emotional, but I've accepted it.
And now that my mind has cleared from my four year fog of baby tunnel vision, hormones, and other medications, I am okay with that. I do want to be a mom to a child one day, but you know what I've realized? I'm okay if that doesn't happen this year, the next, or even the next.
I have realized that I LOVE my life the way it is now.
I love that I have time to craft. I love that I have so many hobbies that I enjoy. I love that my husband and I can go on dates whenever we want.
I'm not saying that I wouldn't gladly give all that up for a baby. I'm just saying that I am accepting the hand I've been dealt in life, and I am going to be thankful for and enjoy my blessings.
And, yes, when the time comes, I will again begin my quest for a child. My husband and I will find a child who needs a forever home--our home. But I'm enjoying not being on an emotional roller coaster every month. I'm enjoying dreaming about my future as an individual and a wife.
I am learning so much about myself as a person. With all the medical procedures and constantly having my hopes crushed, I was way too stressed and uptight than I needed to be. I am learning to relax. I have realized that if I am stressed about something, that's all I can see at the moment. I have realized that I need to stop and tell myself that I can't just focus on that one stressful thing--I need to focus on the bigger picture. I have realized that it's okay to try something different even if I fail. I'm a perfectionist, and I hate not being extremely good at something. But I think it's safe to say that there are not too many people who have immediately been extremely good at something the first time they tried it.
You see, God gives us several beautiful gifts through our struggles. First of all, He reminds us that we are not HOME. We are simply here on this messy, heartbreakingly wonderful earth for a very small time. When we get HOME, everything will be perfect, and our struggles make our hearts long for that. Also, He teaches us that we can endure more than we ever thought possible and become stronger from it with His help and the help of others He has placed in our lives. And last but not least, He gives us the amazing ability to use our struggles to reach out to others and encourage them.
I hope my writing about my story does bring a little hope to someone or at least makes someone feel that she's not alone.
And the wonderful fact about my story? This is not the end of it. It's just the middle, and I can't wait to see how the rest unfolds!
Beautiful writing, Bethany. I am sorry to hear it hasn't worked out for you. It's my biggest fear, as I have never seen if I can get pregnant. Whatever way you get children, you'll be a great mum.
Thanks for sharing something so personal about yourself/your life. You are an amazing lady. You may not realize the impact you have others, my specifically, but I look at you and I see God's face shining from that beautiful smile of yours. Matthew 17:20 is the scripture that pops into my head reading your story. I know God will bless you guys with a beautiful little miracle, just hold onto your faith. Love you to pieces!
Well said my beautiful Angel. Certainly not the end, thank God for peace and the beautiful caring, talented lady you are. I truly believe God is not through and great things are still to come. Enjoy your life, help others along the way...they as well as you certainly deserve it. To God be the glory great thing things he hath and will do. I love you.
That must have been really hard for you. It's great that you can speak about it so openly - which many people don't and thereby make it look as if it's all soooo easy - and that you have come to accept that it's not going to happen. I have to agree with Rosie, anyone who puts that much thought into their lives and the people in it will be a great mother.
If I ever meet you, I'm gonna hug you so be prepared! You know I'm in the "beginning" of my fertility story, but I also feel like you do. I'm okay that we have time to ourselves. I know that when you have a child in whatever way you do, you will be a kickass mama.
You are very brave. Thank you for sharing your story. However it happens and whenever it happens (and I believe it will!) some very lucky child will be yours. xoxo
Oh my, you just wrote my story, but here's our ending. After 11 years of different forms of medical intervention, we had a baby girl. We got older during that time, but it was all part of God's plan for us. She is 11 now and we are so happy to have her. So, keep praying and God will provide. Dori
LOVE this post!!! You will be such a sweet momma when the time comes, and I can't imagine all the crafty amazing things your kids are going to have! I'm already jealous :-)
This is so great and inspiring, such a great reminder to live in the moment.
We have spoken about this privately many times via email. I am so glad you have arrived at the place that you are at. Not that you haven't conceived of course, but the acceptance that right now it is out of your control, but that your life is good, and full and wonderful just the way it is. It is a long road there, I know, I never was able to have children or adopt. I think you are such a wonderful and special person, and I am glad that you are allowing yourself to enjoy your life again without all the pressure you were putting on yourself before,
Amen Bethany! You are in a wonderful, sweet spot in life. Enjoy every minute of every day. You never know what tomorrow will bring. You have your health, your hubby, your faith, a wonderful career and you're an awesome, talented crafter! Life is good :-). Always enjoy seeing what you're wippin' up at Pitter and Glink.
God bless you Bethany. I Hope you get what you've been praying and hoping for when the time is right. Who can say when that will happen. Do you remember the Serenity prayer? God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference. Sounds like you've traveled those roads already. Not an easy thing to do but you're doing very well with God's help and your patience. There's been a family problem for us for over 2 1/2 yrs.now. I've done what I could to try to remedy it but somebody that was partly responsible for what happened won't admit his part in it. I was blamed for doing something I didn't. Because of what happened we (hubs and I) have been ostracized and pushed away all this time. Nobody believes me or will even listen. They've just made up their minds I'm the culprit, nobody else. I've prayed about it and just don't know what I can do. It means we don't see or hear from our kids or the grandkids anymore. It's very hurtful to be shut out of our family. We wanted to move away so we won't be running into them and being shunned. I wish I knew what I can do. Have had to learn to let it be and hope the kids will change their minds some day. We're not getting any younger and I found out I have skin cancer so maybe my time is running out alot quicker. I keep hoping something will finally give our kids a nudge. We don't see them or hear from them even on the holidays or birthdays. Guess I'd better keep praying and practicing patience. Good luck to you Bethany and may your life be what you need it to be.
What a beautiful and brave post. I love your positive perspective and your realization that this isn't the end of your story but just the beginning. I am sure your future will involve a family, a beautiful family. You have such a big heart and so much to give, some child will be lucky to become part of your family.
Wow! I so enjoy when you share straight from your heart. You will be blessed for your patience. I love how you are peacefully waiting on God and His perfect timing for a child. I'm excited to hear the rest of the story. Jer. 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I truly believe that God will answer your prayers for a child. Love and prayers to you.
This was such a heartfelt post, and I felt privileged to read it. I am so happy you are at peace, and know in God's time he gives us what we want, just not on our time table. You are such a beautiful person and who obviously has a lot to give. I believe God will answer your prayers.
Wow. This is an amazing post on so many levels. Thank you Bethany for sharing such a precious part of your life with your readers. I certainly admire your abilitiy to take a break. To focus on the good stuff and be hopeful. I pray that God puts the perfect little child in your care. Because I can't think of another woman more deserving to be called Mommy. Leslie (aka Gwen Moss)
What a great post and you are an amazing woman. I love you Faith and one day you and your hubby will be great parent and that baby will be so bless to have you both.
Hi Bethany, I wanted to let you know I shared this link on a post I wrote. It's about being real. Here's my link if you're interested in reading it. http://gwenmossblog.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-beauty-of-being-real.html xo Leslie (aka Gwen Moss)
Beautiful writing, Bethany. I am sorry to hear it hasn't worked out for you. It's my biggest fear, as I have never seen if I can get pregnant. Whatever way you get children, you'll be a great mum.
ReplyDeleteRosie xo
Thanks for sharing something so personal about yourself/your life. You are an amazing lady. You may not realize the impact you have others, my specifically, but I look at you and I see God's face shining from that beautiful smile of yours. Matthew 17:20 is the scripture that pops into my head reading your story. I know God will bless you guys with a beautiful little miracle, just hold onto your faith. Love you to pieces!
ReplyDeleteWell said my beautiful Angel. Certainly not the end, thank God for peace and the beautiful caring, talented lady you are. I truly believe God is not through and great things are still to come. Enjoy your life, help others along the way...they as well as you certainly deserve it. To God be the glory great thing things he hath and will do. I love you.
ReplyDeleteLove Love Love You!
ReplyDeleteThat must have been really hard for you. It's great that you can speak about it so openly - which many people don't and thereby make it look as if it's all soooo easy - and that you have come to accept that it's not going to happen. I have to agree with Rosie, anyone who puts that much thought into their lives and the people in it will be a great mother.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your journey and for reminding this girl that she is not alone. :)
ReplyDeleteIf I ever meet you, I'm gonna hug you so be prepared! You know I'm in the "beginning" of my fertility story, but I also feel like you do. I'm okay that we have time to ourselves. I know that when you have a child in whatever way you do, you will be a kickass mama.
ReplyDeleteYou are very brave. Thank you for sharing your story. However it happens and whenever it happens (and I believe it will!) some very lucky child will be yours. xoxo
ReplyDeleteOh my, you just wrote my story, but here's our ending. After 11 years of different forms of medical intervention, we had a baby girl. We got older during that time, but it was all part of God's plan for us. She is 11 now and we are so happy to have her. So, keep praying and God will provide.
ReplyDeleteDori
LOVE this post!!! You will be such a sweet momma when the time comes, and I can't imagine all the crafty amazing things your kids are going to have! I'm already jealous :-)
ReplyDeleteThis is so great and inspiring, such a great reminder to live in the moment.
We have spoken about this privately many times via email. I am so glad you have arrived at the place that you are at. Not that you haven't conceived of course, but the acceptance that right now it is out of your control, but that your life is good, and full and wonderful just the way it is. It is a long road there, I know, I never was able to have children or adopt. I think you are such a wonderful and special person, and I am glad that you are allowing yourself to enjoy your life again without all the pressure you were putting on yourself before,
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Maureen
Amen Bethany! You are in a wonderful, sweet spot in life. Enjoy every minute of every day. You never know what tomorrow will bring. You have your health, your hubby, your faith, a wonderful career and you're an awesome, talented crafter! Life is good :-). Always enjoy seeing what you're wippin' up at Pitter and Glink.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you Bethany. I Hope you get what you've been praying and hoping for when the time is right. Who can say when that will happen. Do you remember the Serenity prayer?
ReplyDeleteGod grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can
and the Wisdom to know the difference.
Sounds like you've traveled those roads already. Not an easy thing to do but you're doing very well with God's help and your patience.
There's been a family problem for us for over 2 1/2 yrs.now. I've done what I could to try to remedy it but somebody that was partly responsible for what happened won't admit his part in it. I was blamed for doing something I didn't. Because of what happened we (hubs and I) have been ostracized and pushed away all this time. Nobody believes me or will even listen. They've just made up their minds I'm the culprit, nobody else. I've prayed about it and just don't know what I can do. It means we don't see or hear from our kids or the grandkids anymore. It's very hurtful to be shut out of our family. We wanted to move away so we won't be running into them and being shunned. I wish I knew what I can do. Have had to learn to let it be and hope the kids will change their minds some day.
We're not getting any younger and I found out I have skin cancer so maybe my time is running out alot quicker. I keep hoping something will finally give our kids a nudge. We don't see them or hear from them even on the holidays or birthdays. Guess I'd better keep praying and practicing patience.
Good luck to you Bethany and may your life be what you need it to be.
What a beautiful and brave post. I love your positive perspective and your realization that this isn't the end of your story but just the beginning. I am sure your future will involve a family, a beautiful family. You have such a big heart and so much to give, some child will be lucky to become part of your family.
ReplyDeleteWow! I so enjoy when you share straight from your heart. You will be blessed for your patience. I love how you are peacefully waiting on God and His perfect timing for a child. I'm excited to hear the rest of the story. Jer. 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I truly believe that God will answer your prayers for a child. Love and prayers to you.
ReplyDeleteThis was such a heartfelt post, and I felt privileged to read it. I am so happy you are at peace, and know in God's time he gives us what we want, just not on our time table. You are such a beautiful person and who obviously has a lot to give. I believe God will answer your prayers.
ReplyDeleteOh Bethany...my heart hurts reading this. I'm just not in that place yet. And I'm afraid to wish to be in that place...
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you shared about this - checking out the rest of your story right now.
How touching Bethany!~ I wish you all the very best in the future.
ReplyDeleteWow. This is an amazing post on so many levels. Thank you Bethany for sharing such a precious part of your life with your readers. I certainly admire your abilitiy to take a break. To focus on the good stuff and be hopeful. I pray that God puts the perfect little child in your care. Because I can't think of another woman more deserving to be called Mommy.
ReplyDeleteLeslie (aka Gwen Moss)
Hi, Bethany
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post and you are an amazing woman. I love you Faith and one day you and your hubby will be great parent and that baby will be so bless to have you both.
Vanessa
Hi Bethany, I wanted to let you know I shared this link on a post I wrote. It's about being real. Here's my link if you're interested in reading it.
ReplyDeletehttp://gwenmossblog.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-beauty-of-being-real.html
xo
Leslie (aka Gwen Moss)